Awaiting Assignment

My Dear Uncle Minkoil,

What a world you have sent me into, it is almost like I have never left home. All the training and preparation have scarcely been needed it would seem, I am as comfortable as a termite in wood. There is so much to see I want to devour it all, like a kid in a candy store as they say. I see so many we have in our pocket walking down the street, or driving in their cars, blissfully unaware of my presence, or the others like us that are all around them. In fact I saw cousin Sawsling just this morning near the school bus stop convincing his patient that it would be really for the best if he should take that cigarette the older child had offered him in order to “fit in”. It’s an old but effective bit.

I can’t wait to meet my first patient, I will endeavor to make you ever so proud, and he or she will be like clay in my hands. You and grandfather Screwtape have taught me well, and we have made so many advances since the utter failure of Wormwood.

I can’t wait to get my patient into social media I really feel I have a knack for it, the subtle idolatry of it all. And of course the need for approval of one’s status, and my personal favorite the anticipatory wait of that approval and disappointment when it never comes. No better way than to bring self-doubt and self-loathing I say, which we all know dilutes the confidence given by the Enemy.

Part of me is longing for a teenage patient, maybe one without a father, it would be such a plum assignment, but also part of me wishes for a tougher task. Perhaps someone who already believes in the enemy, or is attending that horrible house they call church. I can see my training to be effective in that as well; for I have watched a few “services” let out of that horrible place and then watched as the same fellows who had just been celebrating the Enemy, scream the Enemies’ name in anger when one cut the other one off in the parking lot. Whoevers patient that is, is doing a superior job indeed, allowing his patient to feel as though they are being good by going to the place they worship, but then leaving it all at the door on the way out. Fantastic!

When the Intelligence department has decided whom shall be my patient I will be ready; whomever your desire it is for me to attend to I shall try to do my best to turn them to our Father.

Affectionately,

Nephew Hashtag

P.S. You should have told me about this television show called “Oprah”, hilarious!